19 - Video

[burnmythoughts]

[Private to David, Arkin and Marsh, separately]

I know that wasn't us, but...I wanted to know how you were doing.

[Private to Ben]

How are you?

[Private to Alex]

How d'you feel about another sparring match?

[Spam - OTA]

[Not thinking about it has become a survival tactic on the barge.

It's easier, this time, as the memories fade like forgotten photographs. But she still remembers being lost and lonely, being horrified and trapped.

She's thrown herself back into life on the Barge as much as she can, chasing away the past with the present, even as her bones ache with it. At least she can walk around.

That's what she's doing now, gingerly stretching her legs on the deck as she finishes sending her messages.]

[Spam - For Charles]

[She can only Not Think About Things for so long, though. Her first and best coping method was always doing something. Sparring with Alex helped, but she didn't want to push herself too far physically, not yet. So she went to the kitchens, and she did something challenging.

There's a bit of smoke, and a bit of cursing, and they don't come out nearly as good as Anya's, but they taste pretty good. Eventually, she has a decent-sized tray of thumbprint cookies, and she lets them cool before sliding them into a container.

Then she heads up to Charles' room, letting the cookies float in front of her. She even uses them to knock on the door.]

Comments

Private

[warisart]

[There's another word he would never apply to himself in a positive way. Selfless. Others have called him kind. Objectively, he's not sure what it is that could be definitively attributed to kindness or selflessness and what is the fault of lacking opportunity or means to be otherwise, but he is constantly collecting evidence, attempting to sort it.

And she's said something else, anyway.]

They're my family.

Private

[burnmythoughts]

[A soft, sad smile.] Family, then.

I don't know if I could walk away from mine, even if it was better for them. [She has three now, really. Her first family, her mother and father and siblings, they'd probably be safer without her, but she can't bring herself to cut those ties.]

Private

[warisart]

[In a way, he had, and he knows that. But it's more than that. He blinks slowly instead of shaking his head, fingers picking unseen at the cuff of his field jacket beneath his watchful eyes.]

We had to, or we thought we had to, in order to stay safe. Then we just... stayed apart.

By the time any of us thought to come back together again, I was too far gone.

Re: Private

[burnmythoughts]

But you aren't, any more. [Her voice is soft, but intent.] And you're making a choice.

Private

[warisart]

In a sense, no. In a sense, yes.

I understand now that I am not suitable for a great many environments. Possibly even the majority. So yes, I am choosing not to continue to negatively affect the people I care about by making their lives more dangerous.

It is very literally the best I can do for them.